i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
