I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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