Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
