Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
