she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
