Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
