Soap is not a condiment
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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