Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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