felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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