Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
smell my finger.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
