now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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