beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you had me at cake vodka
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize