i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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