I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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