Me too!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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