i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
