I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
