i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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