We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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