buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
