Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
