girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I came so hard my ears popped.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
