If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
