Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It's just like the Real World with babies
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
