I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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