I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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