I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
