In the future we'll all be gay
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
