Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
