why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
