I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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