'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
