my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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