I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
