I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
