Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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