So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
