and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
