We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
