i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
