I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
