I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
there is another microwave in the elevator.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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