words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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