I hate your face
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
