Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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