"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
