for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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