I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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