I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
