I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
