We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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