I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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