I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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