While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
