i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I love how my cats smell like pot.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Edward fifth and chaser hands
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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