ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
