He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
