No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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