Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
