just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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