I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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