Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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