In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
