so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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