I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
