if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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