I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
