Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You smell like stripper and shame
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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