i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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