My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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