when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
