just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
