I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
