soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
