omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
