yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize