I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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