How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
