I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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