you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
