i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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