They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
