does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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