Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
