Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
