Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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