if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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