she woke up with a sticky ear
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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